女神の本

writings from isolation

vine

sunday, july 19th 2020 11:11am

  • the pain is deep inside of me
  • it manifests itself physically
  • when i skip meals
  • my hair sheds
  • nails become weak
  • and
  • i have this intense feeling
  • that the black hole in my brain
  • will never stop expanding
  • sucking me into it
  • further and further
  • until time closes in
  • the pain is so deep inside of me
  • monday, july 13th 2020

    i see a light in the world now. a dream has become reality.

  • thinking that i want to make music. but i dont know how and i dont enjoy asking for help.
  • also thinking positively about the recent awakening of this country because i feel as though things are changing. i feel very thankful for the timeline i was placed on. luckily i am surrounded by likeminded people and can express myself without being burned at the stake.

    friday, june 5th 2020

    i wish that it was possible for me to disapear from everyone that i know. everyone thinks im selfish and its because i am. i dont know how to trust anyone.i live in fear of repressed memories surfacing everyday. i dont like anyone. except about five people, and i've done things to hurt each of those people. i see how others live, oblivious to the truth of the world. going along every day as if theyre happy to work hard for the crumbs they're allowed. i dont want to play this game. it seems like everyone else has a strategy except for me. im not good at it. i feel like i woke up and i was 8 years old.

    friday, june 26th 2020

    i keep doing things i know i shouldnt. smoking weed. eating shrooms. drinking beer. taking lsd. i just want to reach the parts of my brain we are not allowed to know about. i can see people for what they really are and i wish this wasnt the case. i fucking hate egos i hate that people keep you around to make themselves feel better, or cooler. as if i cant see throught it. i know that i have thoughts i shouldnt. i should be happy for the scraps that are given to me. its tiring to have these thoughts, to have this mind. i dont know how to walk away from the pain, anger, misery thats all around me. i cant even express that theres a way to reset your life without being afraid of being hospitalized. its fucking bullshit.

    some days i feel beneath everyone. i feel like the ugliest, dumbest,fattest, craziest person everyone knows. and then in a split second those thoughts are gone and i feel like god. i feel like i know things. when i tell people my dreams they never relate. or understand. i wish i could surround myself with other clairvoyant beings but no one wants to talk about it. they'd rather talk about money.

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